I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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