My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
