I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
