HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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