I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
50% drunk capacity currently
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
