I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
