i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
