I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
