Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
