arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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