This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
