who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
how drunk are you?
Several
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
