Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
