I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
