omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
