what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
