if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
