just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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