Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
