I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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