Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
