so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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