Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
