She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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