i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
