we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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