i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
