Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
