can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
