Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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