I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
