Me too!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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