Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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