My liver just broke up with me...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
