now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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