I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
