Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
