I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
