i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
