what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
