she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
