As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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