I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
