I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
