I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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