You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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