That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
