I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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