so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
