I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
