I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
