this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
