You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
