i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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