remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
