went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
