the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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