She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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