How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's get the cat blown out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
