It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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