plz talk dirty to me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
