Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
