in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Someone signed my nipple.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
