Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
