omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize