Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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