I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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