so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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