You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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