I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
