ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
