This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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