If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
