Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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