my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
