OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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