so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
