please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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