Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
