I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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