Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
