Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
