How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
