Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
