Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize