One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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