R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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