looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
