you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
